#8129 Theban Army
Dated: August 4th, 2005, updated September 2, 2005.
Line drawings, with guest commentary by Examinondas the Theban.
"Know that my name is Examinondas the Theban. Know that all this modern day Spartan worship is complete bulls%@*, I mean completely unjustified, and by the time you get to the bottom of this page, you will realize that Thebans are more deserved of this reputation."
Line drawings
Theban hoplites to form a phalanx.
"Know ye that the Theban Sacred Band have the highest reputation of all hoplite bands. Unfortunate it is that they are only 150 pair in number. The rest of the Theban hoplites are not so bad either."
"Know that the Spartan is a digusting creature, he does not cut or clean his hair, or his body. And that he wears only one robe, without washing, until it completely falls apart. Like everything else, it is supposed to train his body for hardship, the only result is that in summer you can smell a Spartan army before you can see it."
Theban peltast.
"Know that the Spartans bring up their boy childs in the most un-natural manner where they are all kept together in isolation from society, not unlike the Public School system in the country you call England, except the English matrons are more skilled in lovemaking and more manly, so's I've been told."
Various naked and unarmored Thebans.
"Know that the storyteller Plutarch's fable of a Spartan mother telling her son to come back with his shield or on it is complete bulls&#*, I mean rhetoric, since a man is over 5 spans in height, and a hoplon is only 3 spans wide, so how can a man be borne on it, unless he be a dwarf, or have his arms and legs chopped off. Complete BS if I may say so."
Theban light cavalry
"Know that the Spartan martial reputation for fighting is complete bulls&%*, I mean a fairy tale, since they have been completely beaten many times in battle, even once by peltasts."
Theban heavy cavalry
"Know that Theban superiority in cavalry is acknowledged to this day, even modern wargamers mark Theban cavalry as "superior".
"Know that the Spartan is uncouth in manner and bearing. Since all the training he has is in fighting, he has no knowledge of the arts or social pleasantries."
Theban commander
"Know that the Spartans are the worst of elitists, not only do they have helots but also perioikoi, so in their society it's possible not only to be 2nd class, but also 3rd class inhabitants."
"Lastly, know that we Thebans broke the backs of the Spartans at a place called Leuctra in 371BC and ended Spartan hegemony once and for all. And Zeus only knows why in this unjust world there is a film called 300 Spartans, but no 300 Thebans."
Ed's notes: Examinondas may sound self serving, but readers are welcome to refute any of Examinondas' statements factually.